Dearest Monks,
I can't help but think how could you do this? How could this happen to us? How could our lives take such a turn? How could you shatter all my life dreams--all of which included you in some way...
There are so many things for me to be mad at you about. Financials, irresponsibility, the mistrust, the student girlfriend---The promise that you would never be another man to walk out on me.
But when I put those things aside---I have so many things to thank you for. You have been my "when I grow up I want to be like him" career role model sans fucking anyone but my partner, you have been my shoulder during some extremely sad times in my life, you were my sense of humor when I couldn't laugh myself....
Through this last year you have taught me my most important life lessons in love and strength. You taught me that I'm sometimes too loyal, that my love is unconditional despite my sometimes better judgement, that I can't handle some of the toughest stresses and that I can remain cool and hold my head up when facing my enemies (lets face it, she's the
whore cunt who should hang her head with shame, not me---the wife!)
I will forever remember our trips to ridiculous places such as our "10 hour Cleveland trip" to see Arnold from 50ft away or my shorts buying extravaganza during the worst freezing rain storm and you only complained slightly.
I'll forever remember how excited I was to become Mrs. Etli. My every dream of forever began that day--I saw a beautiful home, a happy family and holidays spent with each other. Those were dreams were more beautiful that I ever could have imagined because I imagined sharing them with you, my best friend.
YOU My Monks, became my best friend just as fast as you have become my ex.
I hate the term ex. I never wanted you to become my ex. Ex means failure---I never wanted to fail at the one thing I found to be the most beautiful in my life.
Sadly we have parted---for two very different reasons---You for a woman with children to complete your dream of a family. Mine for school---becoming something better that would have in turn made us better. I only ever wanted to be your equal and make you proud of me.
And this departure has taught me my greatest and toughest lesson---to be true and proud of myself by myself... there was never a guarantee that you'd be proud of me as I once had hoped.
Our worlds are totally different. Our worlds needed to go in different directions so we could rebuild them as we each needed.
While I still go through the emotions of it all. At the end of the day I can't be angry. I have the world ahead of me, filled with a dream of family, traveling and finding my happiness.
You have given me the greatest gift, the gift to fall in love again.
As for us-- we won't complete
our happily ever after together---instead apart.
I lost so much more than you
my husband. The day you left me for Cierra, you took a major piece of me with you.
Cherish it, embrace it and keep it safe.
Please take care of yourself.
The kids and I will be just fine. You have given us the strength and motivation to do so.
In the end,
there is a piece of me that will never stop loving and caring for you. You gave me eight of the best and mildly worst years of my life. You gave me happiness, love, broad shoulders, and strength to handle the world. You taught me the take no shit from anybody attitude I have. You were the biggest part of my life for so long. It's taking some adjustment and distance to stand on my own but
I'm doing it not because I wanted to but because I had to.
All the best Monks in this journey of the grass is greener on the other side of the world. My only advice to you is water the fuck out of that shit and give it some miracle grow... I wish you happiness, protection, and adventure and all the other things I couldn't give you.
Love always,
Your Ex-Monkey
On a side note, It seems so appropriate........
What do you see when you close your eyes?
Do you watch all your dreams go by?
I'll tell you what I see.
You're an uncut diamond,
You're the rarest star;
A lone bird dying to fly so far;
A beautiful mystery.
That's what you are.
Such a beautiful mystery.
So, baby go on and live your life.
I can't hold on and you're burning alive.
Don't let all your dreams just pass you by,
This is your time.
Even though we know that it's bittersweet,
Go and find the freedom that you need.
Even if it takes you away from me,
I know it's right.
So goodbye my love.
Yeah goodbye my love.
Like a violent storm on a quiet day,
Your heart is torn between go and stay.
I know that you love me,
But get on your way.
Yeah I know that you love me.
So baby go on and live your life.
I can't hold on and you're burning alive.
Don't let all your dreams just pass you by,
This is your time.
Even though we know that it's bittersweet,
Go and find the freedom that you need.
Even if it takes you away from me,
I know it's right.
And don't second guess yourself.
Yeah you know what you need.
Don't waste your moment worrying about me.
So goodbye my love.
Yeah goodbye my love.
Baby go on and live your life.
I can't hold on and you're burning alive.
Don't let all your dreams pass you by.
This is your time.
Even though we know that it's bittersweet.
Go and find the freedom that you need.
Even if it takes you away from me,
I know it's right.
You're an uncut diamond,
You're the rarest star;
A lone bird dying to fly so far.
Oh goodbye my love.
Goodbye my love.
